Do you ever feel like deleting everything in your gallery? Sometimes I get into these moods where I can't stand the thought of that crap I drew a year ago being accessible to everyone on DA. I might just move everything to scraps, since some people actually favorited those deviations. But it really does bother me that people are looking at my old art, and that none of the art I've submitted represents what I'm capable of doing. It bothers me even more that I have nothing to show for what I know I'm capable of, which, when I'm honest with myself, means it doesn't even matter how good I "really am." If I'm always stuck in a rut and spitting out drawings that I know could be better, that's what I'll be judged by as an artist.

I think this is something all artists do, though. No matter how many times people reassure them that their old art is great, they always look back and cringe. I don't mind this so much because it motivates me to improve. But I'm starting to realize that my "artist's perspective" doesn't just apply to art. It's starting to become my way of evaluating almost everything, including (and especially) myself. I look back at things I did a year ago, or even yesterday, and cringe. I know everyone does that, but I do it way too often. It's not that I have low self esteem; I'm always okay with myself at the moment, but it's my past self I don't like. It gets to me so much that I have to convince myself that no one remembers what I was like in high school (that's the past me that makes me cringe the most), even though I know that's not true. Some people haven't seen me since high school and probably never will again, so that's how they'll always remember me. I wish I could erase their memories or all evidence of what I was like back then, but it's not like art. I can confiscate all my old art and replace it with better art, but I can't do that with "past me."

Anyway, the reason for rambling about this is that I'm wondering if other artists do it too. I know everyone sort of does, but I suspect it's something that artists do more than other people. Or maybe I just let my artist's perspective spill into other areas of my life more than it should.

Also, I'd like to know WHY stuff I moved to scraps months ago still shows up in my gallery.